Turning the table

So for many many many years (you get the picture) I suffered from depression and anxiety. And it is still part of me today but I’ve learnt how to control it.

It took me around 12 years to finally find strength inside of me to fight this once and for all, I changed the tables on my depression. It took me to some dark places, I made some big mistakes, I was lost, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I believed I was useless, I believed I was weak. I could not see a way out!

I then thought about how long I had suffered from depression, I thought about each set back I had, I thought about every mistake I made. Then I realised something, I realised that I was still here, I had gotten through all that, I was here and I was fighting. I wasn’t weak like I thought, I was strong!

Finally after all this time I had realised that I had become a strong woman, yes I had changed in someways but I learnt that I had strength, determination inside me and that if I could get through this I could use this strength and courage to spur me on and every time I woke up and felt down, anxious i remembered that I had survived another day.

Depression has changed me in many ways and in one way I am thankful that I went through so much because I wouldn’t be who I am today.

Before depression

  • I was shy and quiet, I would rather follow people than to voice my opinion.
  • I trusted a lot of people and was quite naive.
  • I never really had any goals or aspirations of my life.

After depression

  • Where do I start. Well I have a beautiful family, I am lucky I get to work part time to spend precious moments with my beautiful family. We run our own bespoke carpentry business and I am studying for a degree in Psychology with Counselling so that I can help other people with mental illness and I feel with the experiences I have had, I will be able to understand first hand the blackness people feel in their time of need.
  • Depression taught me that time can be short, depression taught me that I can always depend on me, depression taught me many lessons and I used it has a chance to learn about what I am capable of. And I still look back to my darkest hours and remember how far I have come, I remember the blackness I felt inside my head, screaming to let me out. Depression taught me to dig deep and find that inner strength again to get to where I want or need to be. And most importantly depression taught me empathy, it taught me that you do not know what others are going through, no matter how big that smile is.

    So remember today maybe dark, but tomorrow is a new day, new day full of new beginnings. Remember you are stronger that what you believe you are, you have already been through so much and you’re still going, use that strength.

    Remember this the most important thing ever… YOU MATTER!

    Ta ta for now, Kel x